People told me it would happen; it’s just a matter of time. All married couples eventually end up fighting. Since the wedding, friends have often asked me how married life is. I don’t really know how to answer. It’s such a loaded question. I mean, obviously married life is great! I get to wake up next to my best friend every morning, and there are no goodbyes (something Joe and I did a lot of being in a long distance relationship). But, I’m wondering, when people ask that simple question are they really asking if we’ve hit reality yet? That marriage isn’t always hanging out with your favorite person and getting to have sleepovers every night?
Up until recently, Joe and I haven’t had any considerable problems in our marriage. Our life together now isn’t all that different than when we were dating, except for a few obvious things that I won’t mention here. We are both independent people, but we also long to work side by side with one another. Our strengths and weaknesses tend to compliment each other, and our passions and desires constantly keep us on the same life course. However, this last week has probably been the hardest, most discouraging week of our marriage, for both of us. We fight and argue and bicker so much that I feel like hopping on the next flight home just so I can get away from it all. Our words to each other are often disrespectful and provocative, causing our anger to spread like fire. Just the other day, I explained to Joe that my tolerance is like the wick on a fire cracker– with each insult it burns more and more, and then suddenly, it explodes. I’m sure a lot of people can relate; I can only take so much.
Being married does a great job of showing just how selfish you really are, understandably. It’s a tremendous challenge merging your own singular life with another human being, and expecting the outcome to be harmonious, let alone tolerable. Joe’s and my life has some unique aspects to it that often make our relationship more susceptible to dissemination. We are constantly traveling – I mean, I tell people we live in a van and live out of a suit case because we are on the road so much. We also spend most of our time within 100 feet of each other every day, whether we are working on one of our three businesses or climbing beautiful rock formations. And I don’t mean to point these examples out to make excuses. That’s not the case at all. Every married couple has its unique, specific circumstances that can possibly lead into arguments.
The morning after our wedding, my friend Rebekah W. told me that not if, but when the fighting comes, my best weapon of defense is to pray for my husband and the situation. I remember her words every time Joe and I bicker or fight, but it is so hard to truly take a step back and just pray. My words often flow off of my tongue faster than I know what I’m saying.
I am thankful that Joe and I don’t hold grudges…for long, and after the fighting has subsided, we are quick to make amends and apologize. We know that living with anger and resentment toward one another will only breed destruction. I am faithful that in time, and through much prayer, our fighting will become less and less. I understand that growth is a result, directly or indirectly, of arguments and mistakes. I pray that God would give Joe and I delicate and understanding hearts, so that we might respect and love each other, even in times of tension and animosity.
I would love to hear any encouraging words, advice, or Bible verses you may have. Please continue to keep Joe and I in your prayers.
